Wakeful Rain
by Lady Shockbox
Summary: Present for OptimusGirl. Sequel to her story "Blitzwing: Seeker of Help" - Sometimes spending some alone time out in the rain is all Optimus needs to help him cope. Especially so since he lost Blitzwing to fate. Oneshot. Minor Slash. Animated


A very good friend of mine on Deviantart, OptimusGirl, wrote a wonderful Optimus/Blitzwing fanfic called _Blitzwing: Seeker of Help _that I decided to write a fanfic for. If you have not read it and you're a fan of the pairing, I suggest you skedaddle on over to DA and look it up. Because I loved it so much, I promised her that I would write a "sequel" to go along with the indecisive and otherwise open ended conclusion she left off writing at. I'm still not very pleased with this particular ficclet's final result though, mostly because it took me so long to get the silly bugger finished. I still hope OptimusGirl likes it. Love you lots, sis.

* * *

**Oceans away, from the wakeful rain**

_Ghost Love Score_ - Nightwish

**i**

In all honestly, Optimus couldn't even remember how long he had been standing there.

Lightning suddenly streaked across the dark sky and the flash that followed momentarily illuminated the inky blackness as though it were day. The monstrous thunderclap that followed rattled several garbage cans away in the same manner a brass instrument's sound waves would cause a nearby percussion instrument to rattle noisily. Behind him, the windows of the abandoned factory plant rattled as well. The old glass made light tinkling noises against the steel bars that, in one lifetime, kept thieves from breaking in while the industrial unit was alive with bustling workers. Nowadays they were a solemn memory of what was once a proud toy department in the city of Detroit.

Optimus _hated_ those bars. While he was inside the base, it made him feel like he was in prison. Entrapped. He couldn't stand it. That was why he came outside in the rain like this regularly. It had become routine ever since Blitzwing… left. The three faced triple-changer came back of course but, to Optimus, he was still gone.

A gale suddenly caused the downpour to slant and come down at a pounding angle against his face. Optimus had to drop his gaze to keep from being blinded by the moisture that, as far as his scanners could tell, was polluted by the sheer amount of waste the humans produced that became absorbed with the atmosphere. It did not bother Optimus too much, but it made the rain mildly acidic. Not to the point of making it unbearable of course, but it felt meekly uncomfortable against the Autobot Prime's armor plating. The sensor nodes underneath tingled with mild irritation but, once upon a time, Optimus would not have minded that sensation.

The feeling of gentle fingertips belonging to a certain Decepticon flier once mimicked that same feeling.

"Thinking about Blitzwing again?"

Optimus was not surprised. The first time his thoughts were interrupted while he stood out in the rain several weeks before, he had startled so badly that he toppled over several garbage cans and caused so much of a ruckus that a dog started to back wildly several blocks away. Optimus had been so embarrassed that he had turned and left to go back into the base and retire to his quarters without as much as a word. The second night Ratchet went out to see him, the Prime did not spook. Instead, the medic watched him for ten or so cycles before returning back inside the base. He continued to do this for all the times that Optimus went outside into the rain to think, but now it was the first night he had spoken.

Optimus did not turn to look at Ratchet. There was no need for him to. "It shouldn't even be a matter of questioning," the red and blue Autobot Prime said. "What does it matter?"

"Nothing really, except you're doing yourself more harm than not," Ratchet replied. His voice was softer than usual, almost as if he were a grandfather talking to a grandson about the death of a family member. More or less, the comparison was accurate enough. A mild flurry of wind gusted the rain sideways before it stopped, and the water that fell from the dark night sky cut down in a straight torrent once more. Ratchet spoke up again. "The more you think about what happened, the more you'll hurt yourself. Depression is just as dangerous as being caught in the middle of a war. You can imagine how nasty they are when you put them together."

"I can't help it," Optimus said. His own voice had dropped. Memories briefly flooded the Prime's conscious. "I could've stopped him. I would've been able to _save him_, Ratchet."

"You couldn't have decided Blitzwing's fate even if you wanted to," Ratchet said. Optimus heard wet footfalls resonate from behind him, and then he felt the familiar hand of the Autobot medic against his left shoulder guard. The red and white medic did not say anything for a moment, but then he broke his own silence. "That was always for him to decide."

"But why would he throw it _away?"_ Optimus could not stop himself from grating his teeth in his rising aggravation. His sadness, of course, overrode that annoyance no more than a click later. He lowered his head to look at the puddles of rainwater forming underneath his huge mechanical boots. His fists clenched and unclenched in a spasm the Autobot almost had no control over. "He chose to be with us, Ratchet. He was an _Autobot_. I still can't understand why he went back to the Decepticons by himself thinking he could fight them."

Ratchet sighed. Optimus could imagine that he was looking aside away from Optimus vacantly before he abruptly spoke again. "Sometimes fate is complex."

"Did you learn that during the Great War?"

"Yes."

Optimus mimicked Ratchet and sighed loudly. He deactivated his optics and kept his head downcast.

"…You really did love him, didn't you?"

The Autobot Prime reactivated his optics' visual input and he looked up from watching the puddles rippling under his feet. He glanced over his shoulder at Ratchet. Old blue eyes met much younger ones, but it did not comfort Optimus at all that someone was bothering to understand the pain he felt from loosing Blitzwing, or at least partially loosing him. "I still do," Optimus replied. He turned away from Ratchet almost unable to bear looking at him. "How was he this morning when you went down to give him rations?"

"He wouldn't accept it," Ratchet said. He deactivated his optics and shook his head in a disapproving gesture. "Hothead has this delusion that we've poisoned it and Icy thinks the same. I haven't seen Random lately though," the veteran medical officer said in an almost comically offhand tone. "The earlier two personas are probably overriding him because of how upset they are. Blitzwing can't stand being locked up. If he hadn't been an Autobot before his memory was wiped, I would've let him go. Having a stir crazy Decepticon in a cell isn't exactly a safe thing, you know. Even considering he's in stasis cuffs, he's just as dangerous as either Lugnut or Starscream."

Optimus bit his lip deep in thought.

Ratchet either read the Autobot's Prime's mind or knew Optimus well enough to know what he was pondering over. Optimus presumed it to be the latter. "Do you think it's not worth it to cling onto him, anymore?"

"I was hoping he would remember," Optimus said in a dreary and oddly hopeful tone of voice. "I mean, he was so intense about being an Autobot after he saw our way of life compared to the Decepticons. Why he can't see that now and remember is… It's driving me _insane_, Ratchet. I miss him - the real him I mean - more than you could ever imagine."

"I don't blame you for feeling that way."

"It's just…" Optimus let his head go downcast again. "It's just hard. One moment he was with us and, the next thing I know, we have to keep him locked up in the brig like a common war prisoner."

Ratchet laughed a little as if he were trying to lighten the mood. The effect was lost on Optimus' audios however, and the harsh pattering of rain against the asphalt under their feet and the factory's tin roof behind them further aided in killing the mood the older Autobot vainly tried to offer. "At least he's a prisoner who's treated like royalty, right?"

Optimus said nothing in return. Ratchet's comment did nothing to help in the slightest.

Behind him, the Prime registered the movement of Ratchet shaking his head. He heard the squeal of metal against asphalt as the red and white ambulance turned to leave. "Not that I blame you, Prime. Everything happens for a reason. I lost someone once too. Arcee lost her programming and had her memory permanently wiped. At least Blitzwing has a chance to get his back. It'll take time, but it's possible that he'll remember."

Ratchet said nothing more, but Optimus swore that he heard his unspoken word. _Someday. Someday he'll remember, but only someday. Not now. Not anytime soon._

The sound of the old Autobot medic's footfalls faded and Optimus turned his head to see that he had vanished back through the open door of the plant. The rain that was falling fell at an angle so some of the precipitation fell through the entryway onto the concrete floor of the base. The resonating noise of videogames and Bumblebee's distinct whoop of victory came forth like an almost unreal echo, as did Bulkhead's barking retort of displeasure and Sari's own cheery call.

At least his team was happy the way they were now. Optimus was like that once, but since Blitzwing… he was not sure if he could ever be happy anymore without him. It was a depressing, gut wrenching thought that was not too unlike the mental image of a burning pit swirling with ashes. Ashes of what was lost. Ashes of what would never be again unless a phoenix rose from them. With Optimus' luck, he knew damn well there was little to no chance of seeing a bird not too unlike a Seeker reborn from the ruins.

The Autobot Prime looked back up towards the sky once more, but this time he did not bother to try stopping himself from crying. The rain hid his tears anyways.

**ii**

The first time Blitzwing had ended up in their base as their prisoner, they only had to use stasis cuffs to keep the triple-changer under control. Despite his insane nature, the Decepticon had been surprisingly laid back in comparison to how he was nowadays. When Blitzwing first ended up in Optimus' care, the latter had trusted the schizophrenic warrior enough that he was able to let him loose in the base. This had mostly been because Optimus had high hopes that he could convince Blitzwing to join their side. In that one lifetime, Optimus had been right. Now that Blitzwing had been reprogrammed and consequently had his memory core wiped, there was seemingly no way that was ever going to happen again. The memory wipe that Starscream imposed had done something to his circuitry that turned him painfully more aggressive than before. Optimus had tried to reason with Blitzwing in a fruitless attempt to garner the Decepticon's trust like he had done before, but the three faced triple-changer would not have any of it. Optimus felt sick to his fuel tank for having to do it, but they had no choice but to lock Blitzwing in the brig.

Doing that to him made Optimus want to be violently ill. At the same time, a part of him died.

It had been months since Blitzwing had left Optimus' quarters to confront the Decepticons he had once called allies before switching factions. To Optimus, it felt as though years had gone by. To think that he could have been so stupid as to let Blitzwing spike his drink so he would go into recharge as quickly as he did. If the Prime had bothered to check his energon, there was a slim chance that he could have stopped Blitzwing from leaving him. Although the triple-changer warrior had thought he was doing the right thing, it tore at Optimus' insides to know that he could have potentially saved Blitzwing from being reprogrammed into hating him and forgetting exactly what they had. What they shared… How they had fallen head over heels for one another. An Autobot who fell in love with a Decepticon and vice versa.

Of course, the 'new' Blitzwing nearly blew a gasket when Optimus tried to convince him they were once… _Lovers, _or at least, something very close to it. Potentially, there was the large chance that they could have ended up as bondmates. The Decepticon warrior had dismissed the Autobot Prime trying to convince him that he had been an Autobot before his memory wipe, but he all but nearly killed Optimus when the red and blue Academy mech tried to explain what intimacy they once shared. Blitzwing told him that he'd _never_ love an Autobot. That hurt Optimus dearly. Optimus had long since avoided going to the brig but, regardless, he found himself stepping onto the elevator that would bring him down underneath the base where the holding cell hall was. Ratchet and Bulkhead had built them as a precaution in case they ever ended up with detainees, but not once did Optimus ever want to see Blitzwing down there.

The lift stopped moving when it reached the basement of the factory and Optimus waited for the steel grated doors to open before stepping out into the dimly lit hallway. There was an echo that bounced off the metal walls as he walked. At the end of the hallway was a large round room that had another hallway branching off to the left and another to the right. Optimus took the one that veered left. He walked for what felt like a long time - in actuality, this was only five or so cycles, which was the equivalent to a human's four minutes and fifty-two seconds - before he came upon the barrack for the brig. A scanner registered his insignia and let him in through the checkpoint. The steel door blocking his way swung open almost eerily and Optimus passed through it. The door swung shut behind him.

There were five cells on both walls flanking him. There was a flash of tan and movement in the last cell on the right wall. Optimus walked down and, before he reached the last compartment, he stopped and reconsidered turning around and leaving. A flutter in his spark kept him from doing so. He slowly walked in front of the cell holding the love of his life and he looked in.

Blitzwing's form was mostly submerged in the darkness. The dim overhead light that that shone outside the cell did not penetrate the shadow's of the Decepticon triple-changer's prison while he sat on the berth that had been moved up against the left wall facing the charged cell bars. At first, it would have appeared as if he was sleeping. The dim crimson light resonating from his optics said otherwise. He was not watching Optimus though. Blitzwing was looking downcast at the wall beside his head with the surface of his helmet pressed against it for support. He was slouching and he was more than likely uncomfortable, but Optimus knew better that his pride would keep him from moving. His current persona was Icy. His light blue face was relaxed, but there was an obvious conflict of hate for being caged like some sort of pet.

Optimus said nothing at first, hoping maybe that Blitzwing would speak up. When he did not, the Prime cleared his throat.

"Leave," Blitzwing said. Icy's light, accented voice pierced the air like his persona's namesake. It was cold. Spiteful.

"I thought you might want some company," Optimus said. "It must be lonely down here. If you would stop trying to get loose, I'd have Bulkhead and Ratchet come down to make a skylight for you. That way you won't feel so claustrophobic."

"It vould only be salt in ze vounds," he said, his voice still cold. "I said _leave."_

Optimus bit his lip harder. Slowly, he moved as close as he could to the bars without stinging himself on the electric bars. He heard the light, almost indistinct sizzling of the electricity and Optimus had to resist resting his head against them out of instinct alone. Deep down, he wanted to be as close to Blitzwing as possible. If telling him about their once shared alone would not convince Blitzwing that he was once an Autobot, than maybe his presence would. "I can't do that."

"You did the last time you came down here. I haven't zeen you since then. Not zhat I can complain, of course."

Optimus narrowed his optics, but it was not from anger. Desperation took hold of him momentarily. "Ratchet said you didn't eat today."

"I vasn't hungry," the blue faced triple-changer said. "Don't offer me anything, either. I von't accept it."

"Why?" Optimus couldn't help but to ask. "What good would you do us dead?"

"One less Decepticon to deal with," Blitzwing answered swiftly. He finally lifted his gaze and looked up, his optics lighting to their full red intensity. He sat up and made to stand, but he stopped himself and only sat with his legs over the left side of the berth. He looked at Optimus hard and spoke a moment afterward. The air around him turned tense. "That's alvays been the purpose of thiz var. Either the Autobots vin or the Decepticons do. The only vay that can happen is if ve vipe one another out. I'll be put on trial even if you take me back to Cybertron, but I'll be found guilty anyvays."

"No one said that," Optimus pleaded. "You were an Autobot."

Blitzwing laughed and stood swiftly. His stance was oddly malevolent and, once upon what felt like an eternity ago, Optimus remembered that it was not always like that. He remembered the one day when he found Blitzwing outside the Autobot base kneeling over that Primus damned blowtorch in the rain burning that accursed violet insignia off his chest. The warrior had been trembling and almost frightened looking. Now he advanced on the bars with the air of a predator inclined to kill at a moment's notice, but with all the elegance of a feline. It was unnerving, and it made Optimus desperately yearn to have his old lover back.

Blitzwing stopped only inches away from the bars and he glared accusingly at the Autobot Prime. "Vhat makes you think that I'll believe you?"

"Because there's no way Starscream could have erased the memory in your spark," Optimus said intensely. His voice turned rough and rasped with his whispering. "Starscream may have erased your memory core, but sparks hold memories too. He couldn't have erased that without completely reprogramming you. You're still the Blitzing I remember, so that means that somewhere deep down you _do_ remember. I'm sure of-"

Optimus had only a moment to stagger backwards when Blitzwing abruptly changed persona's at a speed Optimus couldn't clock. Hothead replaced Icy and the Decepticon uttered a fierce shriek of fury when he lashed out. The huge Decepticon crashed into the bars ahead of him just as Optimus' back slammed against the cell bars behind him. They were thankfully offline and he was not shocked in the same way a prisoner might be, but Blitzwing was not as lucky. There was a sharp sizzling noise and smoke rose up from the places on Blitzwing's armor where he collided with the bars. The imprisoned mech jumped back a moment afterward but, despite the pain he had obviously received from the shock, he charged again at the bars regardless. He collided with it again and he let out another fierce battle scream. He stayed pressed against the bars until the pain was too much for him to bear. Optimus watched in muted horror as the 'Con fell backwards onto the floor of the cell. The clatter was just as loud as the shrieks he had let out beforehand.

Then he started to shout. If words were able to kill, Optimus would have been slain ten times over on the spot.

"I _hate_ jou, Optimus. _I HATE jou,"_ The Decepticon looked up and leered at Optimus spitefully through his blazingly intense optics. They were blood red crimson in all his rage, but there was an element of sheer hurt underneath the surface. The abhorrence that the Decepticon felt for being trapped exploded from the depths of his being and now the monster inside of him was off its chain.

At the same time, despite the fact that the monster was vicious and barking, it was still hurt. In the darkness of the cell, Optimus could see the tears stinging the corners of Hothead's optics behind his visor. It was not the physical pain as much as the mental, however.

Optimus opened his mouth to speak.

There was a sharp crack from within the cell and the familiar spinning of Blitzwing's faces sounded. Random took Hothead's place. Despite the fact that Blitzwing's jack-o-lantern persona was generally friendly, his voice cracked in a manner that it never had before. Random let out a harsh, rough sob and Optimus swore that he saw tears stinging the corners of his huge rose red optics. _"LEAVE!" _

Optimus quickly got up and walked away without as much as a backward glance. When he reached the checkpoint at the end of the cell hall, he did not bother to turn around to face Blitzwing. He did not even dare to glimpse at the Decepticon at all when the exit door to the barracks opened, because he knew that there was a chance that Blitzwing would see the agony that reflected in his azure optics. He loved Blitzwing too much to expose him to his own pain.

**iii**

Once upon a time, Blitzwing loved him. Even now that the new Blitzwing seemed only capable of hating him, Optimus still had his dreams.

It had been megacycles until he finally fell asleep that night in his own quarters, but it was not the first time he had the dream about how he found Blitzwing before his switch to the Autobots. His team had originally taken the triple-changer in as a prisoner, true, but that had changed the moment Prime managed to get through to the three-faced warrior. Not only had the Autobots gained a new team member, but Optimus found something even more valuable in Blitzwing. Love, as the humans always said, was an emotion that was just as potent as hate.

Blitzwing had never truly hated Optimus but, of course, Starscream had changed that. After Blitzwing managed to kill Megatron in a freak accident that could only just barely pass for being a fight, Starscream took over and assumed his position as the commander of the Decepticons. Blitzwing had since been fully accepted into the Autobot ranks but, feeling beside himself and still unworthy, he drugged Optimus and managed to slip out of the base to finish off the rest of his ex-comrades. In the letter he left Optimus, he had dictated that he might not make it back… regardless, he put down that he loved the Autobot Prime just as much as he loved Blitzwing.

Blitzwing never suspected that he would end up reprogrammed though. Consequently, that left Optimus where he was now. They recaptured Blitzwing, but the warrior that once called himself an Autobot was long since dead. The only thing Optimus found that he had left of the triple-changer's love was in his memories and, in turn, his dreams.

Even as the rain continued into the night, pattering and slipping down the glass of the skylight in Optimus' quarters, the Autobot Prime dreamt of the time Blitzwing realized he wanted nothing more to do with the Decepticons. The ex-Decepticon flier had taken a blowtorch from Ratchet's medical bay and had gone out into the night to burn that accursed purple insignia off his chest. All the other Autobots aside from Optimus presumed the worst - being that he escaped and was about to report the secrets of their base to Megatron - but Prime knew better.

Optimus remembered finding Blitzwing just as clearly in his dream as he did in memory. The triple-changer had been hunched over himself with the torch in hand, and Optimus had taken him back to the base in his arms. From then on he had been an Autobot, and there was a special place in the Prime's spark for that memory alone.

Of course, there were still other memories. In turn, there were many other dreams.

The dreams always stayed the same, despite how time went by. Sometimes he dreamt all the way through until the end where he woke up in his own room. Sometimes he would be crying. Whether the tears were from sadness or from the joy of remembrance varied greatly on what dream he had. However, there was no denying that he woke up most often hearing heavy rain battering against the skylight just above his berth. The rain always reminded him of Blitzwing, and Optimus would stare up aimlessly at that same window for megacycles wanting and _needing_ him. Eventually, as more time passed, he stopped having his dreams all together. One night he had them and, the next, they were suddenly gone.

It did not matter of course, because his dreams became reality, and he found himself waking up to the wakeful rain in Blitzwing's arms.

**Fin**


End file.
